Sex and the Breastfeeding Mom

admin — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 00:28:48 +0000

Is breastfeeding compatible with a healthy sex life? Of course it is! Sex may be the last thing on a new mother’s mind, whether or not she breastfeeds. But eventually those familiar desires will return, and parents of a breastfed baby might find themselves with a new set of concerns intruding into their intimate relations.

Decreased Libido

A nursing mother may find that her sexual desire does not return for quite a while following the baby’s birth. This is hardly surprising, considering the usual state of sleep deprivation. The hormones that produce milk can interfere with the libido as well. And after a day of nursing, a woman may feel "touched out" and consider her partner’s desire for intimacy as just another chore. New moms’ thoughts usually center on the baby, and it can be difficult to shift those mental gears during the first few months. Fathers should understand that this is normal, and shouldn’t push a new mother to have sex before she’s ready. Doing so can build resentment and anger. Instead, re-acquaint yourselves with each other by cuddling, giving massages, and participating in other activities that don’t necessarily lead to intercourse.

Night Nursing and Co-Sleeping

It’s hard to concentrate on sexual enjoyment when a tiny baby sleeps nearby. Every movement or sound that the baby makes becomes a distraction, and it never fails that just when things start to heat up, the baby wakes for a feeding. The solution may be a change of scenery – the bedroom isn’t the only possible location for sexual pleasure. Being interrupted, however, is just a fact of life for parents. It happens whether the baby is five months or five years of age; you’ll adjust.

Further complicating matters, many parents choose to co-sleep with the baby. Instead of sleeping with the baby between the parents, consider a "sidecar" arrangement. Some cribs can be tucked up against the side of the bed with one rail removed, and attached securely so there isn’t a gap. When the baby is older, he can sleep on the outside of the bed next to a sturdy rail. You might also consider putting the baby to bed in his own crib at bedtime, and bringing him into your bed if he wakes later in the night. This gives you ample opportunity for "couple time" before the baby needs your company.

Decreased Lubrication

Due to the hormones involved in lactation, mothers may find a reduction in lubrication during sexual intercourse. This can cause pain and discomfort, but it’s easy to solve. Several lubricants are available for intimate use – KY Jelly, Astroglide, and Replens are some products made specifically for this purpose. Don’t use petroleum-based products such as Vaseline, especially if using a condom.

Let-Down Reflex

Especially during the first several months of breastfeeding, mothers may find that it takes very little to trigger a let-down. Nipple stimulation during sex, or sexual pleasure itself may cause the breasts to leak milk – often in quantity. It’s quite normal to find yourself in a puddle of milk after sex (gives new meaning to the "wet spot", doesn’t it?) Put down a towel before you begin. Some men are put-off by this phenomenon; others see it as an incredible turn-on. If it becomes bothersome, leave your bra on with breast pads inserted. Spontaneous let-downs, no matter what the trigger, will diminish over time.

Birth Control

Breastfeeding itself is a form of birth control, if certain guidelines are met. It’s called the "Lactational Amennhorea Method", and to make it work, you have to breastfeed exclusively (no bottles or solids), breastfeed at least once during the night, and not resume menstruation. After six months, or if these conditions aren’t completely met, another form of birth control is needed. The one you choose depends on just how important it is to prevent a pregnancy.

Parenthood requires a great deal of adjustment for a couple, but it’s also an opportunity for growth. As with most other parts of parenting, keeping a healthy sex life after baby’s arrival requires cooperation, sensitivity, and a good sense of humor. Intimacy is important to a good relationship, but intercourse isn’t the only way to achieve it. This time in your lives can be frustrating and challenging, but babies are little for such a short time. Enjoy it while it lasts.

For more information about breastfeeding baby basics and other breastfeeding baby tips, check out my Breastfeding Baby Tips site.

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